Winning in Relationship|How to be a better listener
An attitude of love: when we commit to having an attitude of love in every relationship that we have, I have often felt that doors that were previously closed begin to open up.
I have been really surprised that the way that I listen and perceive other people really influences the quality of the relationship I have with them.
A Story with a Point:
Let me see if I can give you an example. I have a friend of mine who I have always classified as slightly annoying. You know what I mean right? He’s not super annoying. He is just annoying enough that sometimes I don’t want to be around him. Someone said to me that the way I talk about other people has more to do with what I think and believe and more to do with me in general than what I am saying about the person.
In other words if I say that someone is ugly, then most likely the reason I am pointing this out is because I don’t want to be perceived as ugly. You get my drift?
So as I related to this particular friend, I always thought of him as annoying. Of course what that said about me is that I don’t want to be perceived as annoying. And, that is absolutely true. One of the main dominant characteristics that I have had in my life.. throughout my life is wanting to be liked. Damn. 🙁 Hate to admit this here, but it’s true.
So, for me being annoying would be way too risky. But the problem is that because I am so concerned with being liked it hinders me from good relationships. Relationships that are authentic at least.
Once I realized that my perspective on my friend had more to do with me then how he was as an individual I began to change the way I listened to him.
The framework or frame around the picture if you will, had to be something new. So what I did was I replaced the old frame with a frame that says this man deeply desires to have a super good friendship with me, almost like a brother.
You know what’s funny? After I changed the way that I related to him, suddenly I was not so annoyed by him. I realized that the annoyance really had more to do with me than it did him. I also realized that I was a bit of an ass. It’s hard to take a sec to look at yourself boldly in the mirror. I was the one that was the problem in the friendship.
He is a friend that is simply uninhibited and can act how he feels at any given time. Likewise, from me he offers a place where I can just be me as well. It’s really nice because once I recognized what was going on in our relationship I was able to change the way I related and now I can say anything to the guy.
If he’s too crazy, I tell him he’s too crazy. But even if I tell him I don’t really care whether he changes it up. The truth is we all desire relationships that are authentic. Now I recognize where I was inauthentic and am stoked about what the future has to offer for all of my relationships.
I hope you examine how you are being in the relationships around you. Are you being authentic or have you made your stubborn mind up about everyone? I can call you stubborn because that is exactly who I am…often.