Winning in Relationship|How to be a better listener
An attitude of love: when we commit to having an attitude of love in every relationship that we have, I have often felt that doors that were previously closed begin to open up.
I have been really surprised that the way that I listen and perceive other people really influences the quality of the relationship I have with them.
A Story with a Point:
Let me see if I can give you an example. I have a friend of mine who I have always classified as slightly annoying. You know what I mean right? He’s not super annoying. He is just annoying enough that sometimes I don’t want to be around him. Someone said to me that the way I talk about other people has more to do with what I think and believe and more to do with me in general than what I am saying about the person.
In other words if I say that someone is ugly, then most likely the reason I am pointing this out is because I don’t want to be perceived as ugly. You get my drift?
So as I related to this particular friend, I always thought of him as annoying. Of course what that said about me is that I don’t want to be perceived as annoying. And, that is absolutely true. One of the main dominant characteristics that I have had in my life.. throughout my life is wanting to be liked. Damn. Hate to admit this here, but it’s true.
So, for me being annoying would be way too risky. But the problem is that because I am so concerned with being liked it hinders me from good relationships. Relationships that are authentic at least.
Once I realized that my perspective on my friend had more to do with me then how he was as an individual I began to change the way I listened to him.
The framework or frame around the picture if you will, had to be something new. So what I did was I replaced the old frame with a frame that says this man deeply desires to have a super good friendship with me, almost like a brother.
You know what’s funny? After I changed the way that I related to him, suddenly I was not so annoyed by him. I realized that the annoyance really had more to do with me than it did him. I also realized that I was a bit of an ass. It’s hard to take a sec to look at yourself boldly in the mirror. I was the one that was the problem in the friendship.
He is a friend that is simply uninhibited and can act how he feels at any given time. Likewise, from me he offers a place where I can just be me as well. It’s really nice because once I recognized what was going on in our relationship I was able to change the way I related and now I can say anything to the guy.
If he’s too crazy, I tell him he’s too crazy. But even if I tell him I don’t really care whether he changes it up. The truth is we all desire relationships that are authentic. Now I recognize where I was inauthentic and am stoked about what the future has to offer for all of my relationships.
I hope you examine how you are being in the relationships around you. Are you being authentic or have you made your stubborn mind up about everyone? I can call you stubborn because that is exactly who I am…often.